My House Calls

So this entire time I have been here, I have been trying to keep calm, focused, and not allow myself to get upset. Well that all went to shit this evening. The reality of quitting cold turkey smoking set-in along with the fact the nurses will not allow me to leave my room at all. I am really feeling caged. This is compounded by the fact that last night they brought in a room mate for me. I have barely caught a glimpse of the man, but I gather he is an older black gentle man suffering from abdominal pains, perhaps with a slight case of dementia or early Alzheimer's. He had little control over his bowels which is not very pleasant but last night his IV kept getting crimped on his arm so every hour or so the alarm would start to sound and for some reason the nurse was taking forever to come fix the problem. Will came to visit me today and in the few minutes he was here he was ready to strangle someone because of this alarm. The biggest problem I am having here is the agitation associated with not smoking and having nothing to alleviate that but also the anxiety of not knowing when I am getting out of here. Every day I have been thinking well I should be able to go home today, but then the doctor walks in and not so much. Today the pharmacist came in and gave me directions on the coumadin I will be taking when I get out. She explained what foods I could not eat, dosage etc. as if I was being discharged, silly me, I thought that was a part of the discharge process until the doctor stepped in and said no. I understand that these kinds of things can be very serious and I am trying desperately to not take it lightly, but I am done with this place. I can not sleep, the nicotine withdrawl can not be good for me, I don't care how bad smoking is for you, and frankly, there is nothing they are doing here that can not be accomplished in the comfort of my own damn bed except for the whole $500/day to feed me hospital food. They claim they are trying to let all the clots disintegrate and narrow down the cause, ironically after 20 of internet research I know exactly what the cause is: dehydration (in part from the hot summer, working so much and going out), low B12 and folic acid counts both of which can be attributed to a poor diet and smoking, and the fact my body produces an abundance of red blood cells (when I was in high school I had to stop giving blood because my blood would clot around the needle and they could never get a full bag). There, I am diagnosed, now send me the hell home!!